God its been a while...

Man. Im lost.

What am i doing? Why am i doing this?

Its hard to record confusion and a lack of purpose. But im trying my best. I've lost focus. Thats all i have to report. NoMen. NoReason. NoLove. NoLife. The only constant thing that has remained is my muSic. Its not a question of addiction, its a question of enJOYment. Its the one thing that keeps me sANe. I cant hide from MY lying eyes. Where is the pASSion? the CONviction? I feel like im living a LIE. Indecisiveness and inaction hides a lack of MOTIVATION. So what if i go out and enjoy? What am i relaxing from? I have yet to convince myself that i deserve the rest that i deserve to get. MeaningLESS. Servitude through paper pushing. Superficial friends. Morality and magic pens. Lust for sale, sold! Long talks with friends who were always there, but i had ignored. To you guys- im sorry. Im not as good a friend as i want to be. Thanks for always being there. I have no GOD. I have no FAITH. I have no reason to carry out my job. Or its not so much in my mind that its at the tips of my fingers. Need to think. Not BURNout. Not STRESS. Its...

Direction. where am i heading?

No sense in raving. No sense in ranting. I need MY time. There are more ways to enjoy yourself besides a drunken frenzy, or dark and wild places. Sort myself out. Why should i care, why should i do? Thats something i need to answer to myself.