Happiness is a 3 letter word... or two

The one thing that brightened up an otherwise dull day...


Letter-

"Welcome Home to NUS.....blah blah blah blah blah..."

Home...

It feels right already.

Crabbin

Hmmm crabbing was fun. There's always one that gets away though... and it was a biggie!


Statistics:
Party size- 6
Caught about 30-40 crabs, threw half back in because they were too small... =)
We ripped a claw off each of the remaining and threw them back in to repopulate.
Thats about 20 claws.
caught about 5 flower crabs, cooked one, threw the rest back. (takes too long to cook outside)
Ate 10 packs of maggi. =)

Final verdict- Crabbing = good.

parting shots...

Flag?

You know, i just noticed my headbar grow a flag button.

If you hover your mouse over it, it says "please flag if u find any objectionable content."

Objectionally speaking,
If you are evil enough,
you can find everything objectionable.

Heck, sometimes i even find what i say objectionable.

Well anyway, screw that. At least do me a favour and notify me if you find any posts i make discriminatory or objectionable by any means. I'll be happy to (prove you wrong oops i mean) remove it.

Aaaanyway, its been a long time coming but my motivation to work and do my best has evaporated. Don't say i didn't try to keep the flame going, it lasted much much more than what others have done. Its not the O-mood, its just that i cant bring myself to do it anymore. So you know who you are, if you're reading this go f*** yourself. Because YOU managed to do something i almost thought was impossible.

How do you stop a fire?
1. Remove the reason for it to burn.
2. Smother it with apathy and bad decisions. (oops slip of my fingers.)
3. Try too hard to make a bonfire from a simple spark.
4. Abuse the flames needed for cooking to do other much more worthless stuff like fire-juggling and making unnecessary fires.

I'M not going to go on anymore. COUNTING the ways fires can be put out is endless. going DOWN on and on about THE hidden cynicism of life, DAYS can go past without so much as a spark, and then TOgether, it suddenly flares a recORD breaking fire, which finally dies down into the ashes of the past.

Last words,

Bah.

and merry christmas.
All i want for christmas is an early ticket to ORD land... lalala... where the skies are blue, the grass is green, the roads go on so far it seems, where birdies sing, where horses roam, where i hope that i'll be home.

A Satisfied Mind

How many times have you heard someone say
If i had more money, i'd do things my way
But little they know, that its so hard to find
one rich man in ten with a satisfied mind...

Fantastic week. Somehow colour has been brought back into my life.

"A man without goals is like an arrow without an arrowhead, no matter where it goes it will not get to the point."

To my OCS platoon mates, it was nice to see ya all again. Royston's still as irritating. (JUST KIDDING)

To my JC friends, wish there were more of you there today at sentosa, maybe it would be easier to do other stuff rather than lousy attempts at volleyball cause all of us cant play (fun anyway)

To the Sec Sch girls we ran into at Mambo Jambo, hey, lets do it again sometime!

Like i said, gooooood week.

To Ed, stop being such an ass and try to torture me during my coy prof test cos i said i wont go to mambo at expo. Although that would be futile. =p

To end off, another interesting picture from Oz...

Ridin' down the highway
Goin' to a show
Stop in all the by-ways
Playin' rock 'n' roll
Gettin' robbed
Gettin' stoned
Gettin' beat up
Broken boned
Gettin' had
Gettin' took
I tell you folks
It's harder than it looks

It's a long way to the top
If you wanna rock 'n' roll
It's a long way to the top
If you wanna rock 'n' roll
If you think it's easy doin' one night stands
Try playin' in a rock roll band
It's a long way to the top
If you wanna rock 'n' roll

Home Sweet home

Feels good to be back.


Well ok, its a little humid.

And a little warm.

People are sometimes rude and uncooperative.

But its still home...
And thats where the heart is.

Now listening to - Run DMC vs Aerosmith --Walk This Way
Madonna -- Like a Prayer

After the Storm...

Its F***ING COLD HERE.

Yeah, about 10-20 degrees.

So much for mildly cooler than singapore weather.

Going out everyday with 4 layers of tops and 2 layers of bottoms.

Feeling my fingers freeze off.

Ah well its over. Time for R and R!!!

...

Today feels fucked up already.

Ah well life goes on...

The land of Oz.. Redux

Aussie is such a great place to go.


I haven't felt so relaxed in a damn long time.

There's something about the lifestyle there...



Although i slept on the couch for 6 days, it just feels better. Maybe its the air. Not so humid, and cooler. Was getting warm as i was leaving though. ah well. Timed my visit juuuust right.




Melbourne city abounds with vitality, the streets vibrant with colour. In many senses of the word. In my opinion, the population of Melbourne seems to be 50% Asian... i see as many chinese people as there are caucasians. Beware all... We are taking over the world!!! YELLOW POWER!!!





(no racial supremist comment intended no racist remark insinuated.)


Highlights...

Funky stuff at the markets and bazaar... Including cookies so good that they smile when you smile at them... (A little unnerving...)

<-- From The Arts Centre Sunday Market. Anyway the Aussies really know how to make pastries... cakes, cookies, you name it, they have it... And they do it good. More than good. Mouthwateringly good...






If you have a chance to visit the Great Ocean Road and you don't, you ought to be shot. Simply amazing. More informative for the Geography students amongst us, but its a marvel of the modern world. Nature's raw beauty astounds. Breathtaking and stunning. The 12 Apostles, London Bridge, Loch Ard Gorge... Unforgettable. The most common view of the 12 Apostles-->
Bitch. For some reason, blogger is refusing to let me put that photo up. will come in next post.



Next marvel, the Little Penguins of Philip Island. Actually, its just a daily ritual where the penguins will come to land to roost for the night. However, humans being consumnate voyeurs and unable to resist a look at cute young things, decided to build a viewing platform to earn money off the cuteness of the Little Penguins. (And it works. KAWAII!!! Those penguins are damn cute.)

<--- This is an actual sign on the island...



More in next post!

A week in Oz continued...

Finally the great ocean road...















Some city photos...
who said Ozzies don't have a sense of humour?


This store sells bedsheets and pillowcases...













this is drawn on a pavement. ON A PAVEMENT!!! my god...












Well, next week to ROC, not expecting any photos, not much fun, just a lot of blood sweat and tears. Wish me luck.

*sigh.*

Now Listening To - All You Need Is Love -- The Beatles

Going Going...

Gone!

Drop everything and leave for Melbourne.

Don't pass go, don't collect $200.

For the next week, just don't give a damn!

P.S
Melbourne- 13-22*c, clearing showers.
Just purrfect...

Responsibility and other rubbish.

Responsibility means:

Willing to take the shit out cause noone wants to do it.
Willing to do things noone else wants to do.
Willing to try and make rivers run uphill.

Does that make me,

a. Responsible
b. Gullible
c. Stupid
d. Naive

Poll now for your favourite answer!

Back in Action

Ahhh..... Feels good to be a PC again. nothing matches the exhilaration of running around knowing that behind you more than 20 men are willing to fire at your command.

What else?

I re-learnt how to fall asleep while walking. Thats a real skill!

I was thinking back and i realised, hey, there is a lot that people can learn in two years.

I learnt that you gots to take the bad with the good, and stick it to the man till the end.

Ok that last one was rubbish.

Just watched Ghostbusters. Now thats a classic. Next up- Dick Tracy!

Im listening to- All i Need by Matchbox 20.

Found!

Found you. Never leave me again.


Nah, its just my Mp3 Player. Whew. Thank God for nice people.

What i did this halloween.

F*^^*&**( SHIT!

after rushing back after DO duty, i left my mp3 player in the cab.

Up till now, still no cab driver has found it inside their cabs.

Someone somewhere is happily listening to my 20 Gig of music, while on their own sweet way.

Sigh. So long, fare thee well, it has been a good 1yr 8 months. And i was hoping it would be with me for many many more years to come. (certainly didnt expect it to fill up so quickly.)

A trip down memory lane...

bought: Feb 04, in BMT. Costs $529, bought at $469. (After careful browsing and searching)

used: pretty much everyday. got to be one of the most indispensible item i have ever had.

revamped: had a problem with the earphone jack, fixed in jan 05.

common tunes: Retro, more retro, oldies, jazz, rock, hard rock, punk rock, old school rock, pop rock, ska, and recently metal.

Bah. So long, and thanks for all the fish.


What else i did on halloween.




Beefcake.
BEEFcake.
BEEFCAKE!!!!!!!!!

Macho Men Goes to Zouk The Gathering, 30st October
Stay tuned for the website.
Coming soon to a blog near you!
not forgetting,

BEEFCAKE!!!!!!!!!

To go or not to go...

Hmmm. after long consultation of the webpages describing melbourne...

The decision to visit my cousin there...

has become...

a moot point.

Go lah take a break. Noone's going to stop you. You're so wound up you're even talking to yourself on your blog.

Gosh.

PS: If you got the time, check out Crying by Aerosmith. It rocks. with extra style.

Contemplation.

Its really sad
when something happens to someone you know
and you don't
Know what happened.
Maybe you're not
as close to the person as you thought?
Or its just
that events builds insurmountable walls around people.

For you, i pray.
I hope you find your answer to what you are looking for.

More Music!

I think i've developed a taste for Metallica.

*headbang*
*headbang*

mmmmm. yum.

Expressionism.

How can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
Just watch the world go round...

Fell from grace
Walking empty hearted here
Cold wind blows

Hole in the heart
Just shoot it, tear it apart
Pick up what remains,
watch it stress and strain.

Once out you can never get back
No matter how far, they reject
As much as you wish
Theres no better dish
Then the one that lets you reflect.

AHM

On the eve of 9-11, i sincerely thank god that nobody thought of doing anything funny at the padang after the half marathon. Because im pretty sure if they did half of the people there would just have flopped over and asked for more.

Well, at least i finished it.

Hmmm. Sounds familiar anyone?

Why?

I cant focus. Ouch. Running haywire. Where is the. Discipline. Desire. Love. No will. No time. No skill?

Can't make myself do things without a major force of will. Can barely get myself to cut my hair, much less exercise regularly. if once a month is regular. Bah. What happened?

My willpower is slowly draining away, being sapped by the insiduous taint of complacency? By the devilish tentacles of apathy? Or does it stem from a lack of direction?

Procrastination and masturbation are the same thing, because essentially you're just screwing yourself.

Well, maybe after a while this might all blow off. Who knows. Or things would come to a complete impasse and screw up my life in some way or other. i just know that i have to "wake up my idea".

On the interesting side... Hypothesis that Rot Spreads from the Top was true. It is infinitely visible...

Well at least...
Finally completed Guild Wars. haha, 97hrs. w0000t... Addicted? Nooo.... thats 500hrs in 2 months. Now thats addiction. im only 200...

But is that any consolation?

Now Playing-
Black Eyed Peas- Don't Lie
Ella Fitzgerald - Lets call the whole thing off
Guild Wars (w00000t... LOL ROFLMAO)

w0000000000t.

They can't take that away from me

I wont let one in on a sorrowful note
Though by tomorrow you're gone
The song is ended but as the songwriter wrote
the melody lingers on
They may take you from me
I'll miss your fond caress
But though they take you from me
i'll still posess...
The way you wear your hat
the way you sip your tea
the memory of all that
no,no, they cant take that away from me
the way your smile just beams,
the way you sing off key
the way you haunt my dreams,
no no they cant take that away from me
we may never never meet again on the bumpy road to love
still i'll always, always keep the memory of
the way you hold your knife
the way we dance till three
the way you changed my life
no, no they cant take that away from me
no,
they cant take that away from me!

Musings...

Things i plucked out from assorted musings, sitting in an ops room, confined within the area for 2 days...

Hypothesis of Leadership by example
Rot spreads from the top.

Hypothesis of responsibility
Not just to do the right things, but to do the right things right.

Psychosomatic impressions- Mind over body, live life the way you think you should.

Idiosyncracies- Manners, attitude, arrogance.

Ideals- An officer and a gentlemen.

Decoding? do it yourself you lazy bastards...

Firsts!

Hmmm. Elation.

Many firsts today. Its the first time my OC asked me to go early to facilitate handover. And he didnt appear until most of it was over. Taking advantage of his 2nd in command? I think its trust that i can do what needs to be done.
First time i gave an ops backbrief. Didnt get flamed. So it was a relief. Guess i knew my stuff.
first time i got praised for good work (presentation!) So i DID know my stuff. =)

Hard work + effort = job well done.

Guess some things dont change even in this dystopic place.

*disclaimer- was commented about talking too fast and beating around the bush a little. But hey, who's perfect?

Additional- this is the first positive post in a LOOOONG time...

Sin City

Aaargh!!!! What is it going to take for me to watch this show!!! Looks great. but R21. And my friends cant seem to be able to decide on any timing to meet to watch.



Jessica Alba is.... ok maybe hot. I dunno. I rather Penelope Cruz... and that SEXY voice...

??? interesting.

Did the following quiz... had the result-

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??


Aphrodite/Eros

How true can this be? Looking for "The one", for sure. Its hard to find someone like that, but i guess i'll keep trying.

Meanwhile its a really really corny intepretation......

Interesting post...

Muahaha.


http://rockson.blogspot.com/2005/07/nkf-boss-got-cheebye-12-months-bonus.html

Surfin' the waves of the Blogosphere...

Slave to the Music

Two weeks ago... tragedy struck!
I walked into my office, plugged in my MP3 player, and to my horror, discovered a foul change- sometime over the weekend, the speakers had burned out!!! WHERE WAS I GOING TO TUNE MYSELF INTO MY MUSIC??? This set a tone for a disturbing week... the office seemed so quiet... Like disaster waiting to strike. I cannot vouch for myself, but i think i was quite cranky over that episode... Until i found out- It was only the main speaker that was damaged- the other one could plug to my Zen without any problems. A little soft, but any sound is better than nothing at all.
And once again, all was right with the world...

Also, i just realised... Im allergic to people with bad manners. Not rashes and scratchy allergic, but RAGING FURIOUS AND MURDEROUS allergic. I think its a good thing. I like to help people. But people who don't even bother to ask before taking things, people who hang up on you because they think they're busy and cannot afford to spend time to say "sorry, i need to go, bye"... Now those are people who i have a bone to pick with. Irritating bastards. Go live in your own world, get out of mine.

Temporary Rationality

Again, its been a while. i hate blogging once a month. Should do it more often.

Jack-style...

Rumours,BattHQ.Goddamn whore of this fckin Batt. TES wargaming funfunfun...didnt tell because its not winning or losing that matters, its how hard they fight. Shouldnt have bothered to wake up and work last week, it didnt make sense. Friend recovered from heat exhaustion, worryworryworry. We didnt know until it was almost over. So sorry... Streetwear. Quality over quantity. Shopping and Fcking. Love and sex are two different things. FullMetalAlchemist. Law of Conservation. To receive, you must first give something of equal value. Thats life. Goals. where are mine? Guild Wars. 180hrs in 55 days. Waste, obsession, or just fun? Goals again. Why am i doing what i am doing? Someone told me a suprising answer,which i didnt expect him to be able to. Even assholes have a direction. Wheres mine? God no im not suicidal. Far from it. I have been blessed with many more options.

God its been a while...

Man. Im lost.

What am i doing? Why am i doing this?

Its hard to record confusion and a lack of purpose. But im trying my best. I've lost focus. Thats all i have to report. NoMen. NoReason. NoLove. NoLife. The only constant thing that has remained is my muSic. Its not a question of addiction, its a question of enJOYment. Its the one thing that keeps me sANe. I cant hide from MY lying eyes. Where is the pASSion? the CONviction? I feel like im living a LIE. Indecisiveness and inaction hides a lack of MOTIVATION. So what if i go out and enjoy? What am i relaxing from? I have yet to convince myself that i deserve the rest that i deserve to get. MeaningLESS. Servitude through paper pushing. Superficial friends. Morality and magic pens. Lust for sale, sold! Long talks with friends who were always there, but i had ignored. To you guys- im sorry. Im not as good a friend as i want to be. Thanks for always being there. I have no GOD. I have no FAITH. I have no reason to carry out my job. Or its not so much in my mind that its at the tips of my fingers. Need to think. Not BURNout. Not STRESS. Its...

Direction. where am i heading?

No sense in raving. No sense in ranting. I need MY time. There are more ways to enjoy yourself besides a drunken frenzy, or dark and wild places. Sort myself out. Why should i care, why should i do? Thats something i need to answer to myself.

Episode III

My life in this batt seems to have taken a turn for the busier. There is a lot of crap a 2IC is supposed to do. And having scored three extras for leaving a stamp on the table isn't going to help it much. Over a week, i think i managed somehow to get 3 CDO duties, as well as 2 BDO and 3 extras. Hmmm....... something doesnt seem quite right here. And my company is on standby next weekend. Im going to see more of camp than of home. Immediately after the standby we're going on deployment. Sigh. More and more i long for the simple life of a PC. At least there were the men. Now it seems an endless barrage of assignments and duties. There are lots of things that need to be done. And it has come at a most opportune time...

DO duty sucks. I was supposed to go and receive Junwei when he came back from the states. Haven't seen that bugger in almost 4 years. wait, more than 4 years. Wonder how much he had changed. i bet we all did. It must have been quite a shock. Haven seen my Sec sch mates for quite a while either. How much have they changed?

I was chatting with jo the other night. we'd come a long long way since we carpooled to school 6 years ago. A long journey that changes all of us. She was commenting that all of us had grown up. Some more cynical, some more jaded, some completely awry, some just out of whack. Has this life we led corrupted the thinking of young minds? Or is it the penetrating tendrils of society and the stark harshness of the real world that hardens our thinking?

For me, it was army that facilitated the transformation. Coming in as a young, green recruit, i enjoyed BMT and the camaraderie that existed between my platoon mates. We all were the 'scholar batch' and thus enjoyed some privileges. That i do not deny. But does it make us any inferior to other more 'siong' companies? i think not. Then came OCS. Once more, i ended up in the 'scholar batch'. This time it was different. We were whacked beyond our limits, beyond recognising, and many times beyond reason. Why? Because life is a BITCH. Yes, thats it, life is a BITCH. You put in your 100%, someone else doesn't, everyone gets the shit that flies from the fan. And furthermore, its not always the most qualified or the one who puts in the most effort that gets the place of respect and honour. It seems to me, at the end of my course, that most of those graded better were ball-carrying, boot-licking, apple-polishing bastards, who happened to know a way to get what they want by any and all means possible. Even if it meant total disregard for the rules and for others. To them, the end justifies the means.

And now, in this batt...... sigh. somehow i managed to see the symptoms before everyone else did. There is something dreadfully wrong. Its spreading... the sense of unease and dissatisfaction. Or is it the gradual awakening to the truth of the real world? "Welcome to the desert of the real world," Morpheus said in the Matrix. Is it that when we are young our world is but a collection of illusions that we hold to ourselves? And the price of growing up is the stripping of these illusions, the revelation of the real world.

You know, maybe bat2 was right. young, stupid. Not green, but stupid enough to believe that green is all that we are.


"So this is how freedom dies. To thunderous applause."

Its been a while...

Wow. Almost a month. Went on deployment, came back. Had the most rude shock in my life on the last week of deployment. The news came in a SMS. "the new guy? Yeah, he'll be taking your platoon." I was stunned. I didnt know how to react. Suddenly i felt bereft. Cut adrift. Left out in the deep blue sea. How can you justify breaking a relationship with your men that has been budding for 2 months? i was just getting to know them really well. And now... Bereft, alone, drifted. Looking back, i will miss the moments shared as a PC with them. It was definitely one of the most engaging experience in my life. Like the girlfriend i never had. Learning about what makes them tick, hearing their problems, helping them through the tough times, enjoying the good. At least im still in the company. Although i initially wanted to be a 2ic i did not expect it to happen this way. Its like the baby and the lollipop. To really make it sting, give it to the baby, then take it back a little later. The frustration, hopelessness and anger just piles up... Nothing can reveal how i feel. Maybe i'll change my blog title again. I realised...... i do give a flying f***. There are things that matter a lot to me.

Keep movin' on...

Next week we leave to carry out our primary mission.

The men have promised me that on deployment they will always be the best they can be.

Its difficult, no doubt. But its a task we have to do.

With grim determination and attitude...

Million Dollar Baby

My god, this is one hell of a depressing show. Never thought it would be that bad. Its a good show, but the ending is fucked up. So much for happily ever after.

Thinking of the old times...

Starship- Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now...

Looking in your eyes I see a paradise
This world that I've found
Is too good to be true
Standing here beside you
Want so much to give you
This love in my heart that I'm feeling for you

Let 'em say we're crazy, I don't care about that
Put your hand in my hand baby
Don't ever look back
Let the world around us just fall apart
Baby we can make it if we're heart to heart

Chorus:
And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us now

I'm so glad I found you
I'm not gonna lose you
Whatever it takes I will stay here with you
Take it to the good times
See it through the bad times
Whatever it takes is what I'm gonna do

Let 'em say we're crazy, what do they know
Put your arms around me baby
Don't ever let go
Let the world around us just fall apart
Baby we can make it if we're heart to heart

And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us

Ooh, all that I need is you
All that I ever need
And all that I want to do
Is hold you forever, ever and ever, hey

And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothing's gonna stop us
Nothing's gonna stop us, whoa
Nothing's gonna stop us now, oh no

Hey baby, I know, hey baby, nothing's gonna stop us
Hey baby, woo, nothing, hey baby
Nothing's gonna stop us now yeah


....................
Love this song. so much hope, so much commitment. Me and you against the world. *sigh*

Why am i Wasting My Life?

Jerry rammed home a point today. We were talking on the train about what next weekend would entail. I pondered: What was i going to do?

I realised that i didnt have a clue.

Where were the carefully laid out plans that i wanted to do? Where are the goals that i want to achieve in the rest of the year? Not even that, where are the goals i want to achieve for the next month? I had foundered, and lost my direction. Drifting aimlessly across the seas of life.

Its time to take action. Noone is going to prompt me to do anything. Im sick of just letting things happen. Its about time i took my life in my own hands.

Steps:
1. Set my 1,3,6 month goals.
2 Get a game plan out.
3. Put the plan somewhere i can see everyday.
4. work towards goals.

By the way this is personal, not about my platoon, not about my unit. Just me. Me, me, me. For once.

Morality and Medicine

Extracted from www.atlasshrugs.blogspot.com
From The Wall Street Journal

Killing Terri
By JAMES Q. WILSON March 21, 2005; Page A16

Terri Schiavo is not brain dead as far as anyone can tell. If you are brain
dead, you have suffered an irreversible loss of all functions of the brain. If
agreed to by at least two physicians, that means you are legally dead, such that
your organs can be harvested to help other people.
Instead, Ms. Schiavo is in what many physicians call a "persistent vegetative state" (PVS). That means that she lacks an awareness of her self or other people, cannot engage in purposeful action, does not understand language, is incontinent, and sleeps alot. To be clinically classified as being in a PVS, these conditions should be
irreversible. But from what we know, some doctors dispute one or more of these
conditions and believe that it is possible that whatever her symptoms, they are
not irreversible.
Her condition is hardly unique. In 1995, when the American
Academy of Neurology published its report on people in a persistent vegetative
state, it found that there were as many as 25,000 adults and 10,000 children in
this country who suffered from PVS. Based on the best studies the Academy could
find at the time, some adults in a vegetative state 12 months after a
devastating injury or heart failure could recover consciousness and some human
functions. The chances that such a recovery will occur are very small, but they
are not zero.
If they are not zero, then withdrawing a patient's feeding
tubes and allowing her to die from a lack of water and food means that whoever
authorizes such a step may, depending on the circumstances, be murdering the
patient. The odds against it being a murder are very high, but they are not
100%.
* * *
Many people, myself included, have allowed life-support
systems to be withdrawn from parents who have no hope of recovery. My mother was going to die from cancer, and after all efforts had been made to help her, my
sister and I allowed the doctors to withdraw the devices that kept her alive.
She was dead within hours.
My case, and that of countless other people who
have made that decision, differs from that of Terri Schiavo in two important
ways. First, the early death of my mother was certain, but no one can say that
Ms. Schiavo will die soon or possibly at any time before she might die of old
age. Second, all the relevant family members agreed on the decision about my
mother, but family members are deeply divided about Terri.
These differences are of decisive importance. When death will occur soon and inevitably, the patient does not starve to death when life support ends. Since there was no chance of our mother living more than a few more days, what my sister and I did
could not be called murder. When death will not occur soon, or perhaps for many
years, and when there is a chance, even a very small one, that recovery is
possible, people who authorize the withdrawal of life support are playing God.

And in Terri's case, they are playing God when they do not have to.
Her parents have begged to become her guardians. Her husband has refused. We do not know for certain why the husband has refused. I doubt that he
wishes to receive for himself the money that still exists from her insurance
settlement and, apparently, he has offered to donate that money to charity.
Perhaps, being a Catholic, he would like her death to make him free to marry the
woman with whom he is now living. Or perhaps (and I think this is the most
likely case) he does not want his wife to live what strikes him as an
intolerable life.
The intolerable life argument has support from many doctors and bioethicists. They claim that a person can be "socially dead" even when their brains can engage in some functions. By "socially dead" they meanthat the patient is no longer a person in some sense. At this point their argument gets a bit fuzzy because they must somehow define what is a "person"and a "non-person." That is no easy matter.
By contrast, physicians have unambiguous ways of determining whether a person is brain dead. This means that brain death is a very conservative standard and, if it errs, it errs on the side of preserving life.
Some people believe that all of these issues can be resolved if everyone signs a living will that specifies what is to be done to them under various conditions. The living will is supposed to determine unambiguously when a "Do Not Resuscitate" sign should be placed on a patient's hospital chart. Terri Schiavo had not signed a living will. If she had, we would not be facing these issues.
* * *
But scholars have shown that we have
greatly exaggerated the benefits of living wills. Studies by University of
Michigan Professor Carl Schneider and others have shown that living wills rarely
make any difference. People with them are likely to get exactly the same
treatment as people without them, possibly because doctors and family members
ignore the wills. And ignoring them is often the right thing to do because it is
virtually impossible to write a living will that anticipates and makes decisions
about all of the many, complicated, and hard to foresee illnesses you may
face.This is a tragedy. Congress has responded by rushing to pass a law that
will allow her case, but only her case, to be heard in federal court. But there
is no guarantee that, if it is heard there, a federal judge will do any better
than the Florida one. What is lacking in this matter is not the correct set of
jurisdictional rules but a decent set of moral imperatives.
* * *
That moral imperative should be that medical
care cannot be withheld from a person who is not brain dead and who is not at risk for dying from an untreatable disease in the near future. To do otherwise makes us recall Nazi Germany where retarded people and those with serious disabilities were "euthanized" (that is, killed). We hear around the country echoes of this view in the demands that doctors be allowed to participate, as they do in Oregon, in physician-assisted suicide, whereby
doctors can end the life of patients who request death and have less than six
months to live. This policy endorses the right of a person to end his or her
life with medical help. It is justified by the alleged success of this policy in
the Netherlands.
But it has not been a success in the Netherlands.
In that country there have been well over 1,000 doctor-induced deaths among patients who had not requested death, and in a large fraction of those cases the patients were sufficiently competent to have made the request had they wished.
Keeping people alive is the goal of medicine. We can only modify
that policy in the case of patients for whom death is imminent and where all
competent family members believe that nothing can be gained by extending life
for a few more days. This is clearly not the case with Terri Schiavo . Indeed,
her death by starvation may take weeks. Meanwhile, her parents are pleading for
her life.
Mr. Wilson has taught at Harvard, UCLA and Pepperdine and is the
author of "The Moral Sense" (Free Press, 1997).

Highlights added by Atlas Shrugged, Citizen Journalist


My Comments
Who can be morally trusted to hold the rights to someone else's life?
I didn't hear much of this Schiavo case until today where i caught a glance on the papers. My GP teacher would go totally ballistic at the negligence of my general knowledge. But this incident would have provided grounds for many insightful articles and comments from students. I would not be surprised if this was one of the debate topics in my GP class in school.

I cant remember why i loved GP so much. I still do. The cut and thrust of opinion, the dazzle of debate, and the academic thoughts that dominate morality in an ideal world.

Now to rephrase the first sentence of my comments:
Can you trust a person to be morally responsible and answerable to the lives of 27 men after less than a year of specific training?

Thats something only time will tell.

Kindred spirits?

RE: http://bayzone.us/blog/2005/03/darker-side-of-army-life.html

Looks like im not the only person who believes in this way. Why has life come to this? People call this maturity. I call this bullshit. If learning how to make other people do work so you don't have to do it even though you are responsible for it is a necessary life skill, im preparing to worship the next meteor in the hope that it will crash into Earth and reduce this society of selfish and narrow-minded people. On average, i believe that the decency and niceness quotient of the universe will rise. Or are selective meteors too much to hope for? I know a few people who deserve a whack over their head, at the very least.

Cidade de Deus

Gritty. Earthy. Leaves a faintly dirty taste in your mouth. Everyone who has too positive an outlook of life should see City Of God. Artistic stylewise its good, acting and narration is great, and the premise of the film is disturbing, to speak the least. Although the dirty taste was probably from my lunch.

Is IT fair?

Went the the IT fair at suntec twice this week. Crowded, noisy, and full of rude people who make it a point to push and knock other people as they pass.

Creative queue on saturday was unbelievable. about 200 people, forming a line that snaked around 3 corners, past 2 other booths, and i can almost bet the people at the end thought it was a line for free gifts. The Zen Micro is giving the iPod some real ass-whoopin this week.

Coincidentally, all of my friends who i went with bought mp3 players. Looking around, there were a much larger variety of players than i thought. About half of the booths there were hawking mp3 flash players, solid state players or hard disk players. the other half were selling cameras. Or both.

I went to the PacNet booth to make some noise, and i managed to get myself a free wireless router and some magazines and software. Ended up buying a DVD-RW drive and a wireless adaptor for my brother too. say goodbye to storage problems!

Worthwhile weekend. Oh yea, Zouked with friends last night. There was some fashion show on. The models got down to dancing after that though.... Some of them were all over the locals.... both guys and girls. hmmm....

Well, worthwhile weekend.

Friendstering for fun and profit

I don't get the point of friendster.

I always thought it was just a way to keep in contact with old friends. classmates.

why do people just add others who they think they have something remotely in common?

does the number of *friends* they have in their list actually mean anything?

Not that having 400+ friends on the list means anything.

How many people do you actually hang around with that have really made an impact on your life as a friend?

i have 116 people on my friendster account. I can honestly say that i can actually validate only about half of these people as those who have made a difference in my life.

Lets not dilute the value of friendship.

Miss Singapore Universe

Oh god, please don't tell me that these ladies are the best hope for Singapore's entry to this prestigious competition. I cant tell most of them apart. Has beauty has become so mass produced that the "model" look is so standardised? If this was the army, all the sergeant majors would be happy, for its an army of clones.

What happened to variety, and diversity? Why the hell do all those contestants look the same? And some of them are horrible. blame it on my taste, but i find it horrifying. I know people who look better than that. Too bad my ex-classmate is too short to participate... She'll kick their asses man.

What Dreams May Come

An inspiring book. Who knows what comes after the end known as death? Is death the end, or is it just another beginning?

Revelations

140205
Perhaps it was too much good coffee. Or it was weighing too much on my mind, I had learned far more than i ever thought i would know about this sordid affair. i knew i was unaware of a lot of things that happened in the platoon, but i had no idea exactly how much i did not know. What i learned tonight has effectively shattered my faith in the system. I had known for some time there was something drastically wrong in the school, what with the choice of SOMs for our batch. After hearing what i heard tonight, i feel , somehow, stained. All this malicious plotting and intrigue going on under the calm surface of a peaceful platoon was too much to believe.

I had always been an idealist. I always believed that hard work and perseverance would pay off. How can i help it? Its what i had been brought up on. The basic pillars of my moral foundation- Do what you think is right, treat others as you would want others to treat you, always do your best. The three sentences that form the core of my self-belief. If i was good enough, i would stand out and be reflected so. If i wasn't, well, I'll just be another cadet. Its good to be a bladerunner. Its worthy -I've always thought- to work for something that sets a standard and shows how good you are. Not that im saying that all who get it are evil bastards. I believed that SOH deserved his commendation. He earned all the respect and praise he got.

However , how much of this could be said of the other bladeholders?

CASE STUDY

Cadet MIKE is really worked up. He was assured a position as a military scholar if he gave up the chance for his other scholarship. Imagine his chagrin when he was not awarded the scholarship. So he felt really really sore. He swore to get back at Cpt CHARLIE for deceiving him, and decided to prove that he was worthy of the scholarship by standing out from his peers. But this developed into an obsession for him. He began to monitor the peer assessment rankings (secret) through underhand, devious, and above all, ILLEGAL methods. Not content with just being the top or near the top, he schemed to discredit and undermine his would-be competitors. Anyone who was too much in favour with his superiors, he would start spreading rumours and turning popular opinion against them. Thus he maintained lordship and dominion over his unknowing subjects, with the assistance of other unscrupulous cadets who were in cahoots with him. He would do anything to maintain his position in the platoon, even to the extent of suggesting to Cpt CHARLIE that perhaps some people do not really deserve to commission after all. Cpt CHARLIE listened, for cadet MIKE had always been his grapevine to the platoon's gossip, and saw through tinted lenses the life of the platoon.

Needless to say, when i first heard the stories, i was shocked beyond belief. I had never believed that this kind of Machiavellian intrigue and plotting could exist under such a smooth looking surface, much less in the premier institution that we train at. To me, being an officer was one of the highest honours, one that affirmed your ability, morality and ethics. To learn that people like this are not only commissioned but also exemplified as poster boys of our corps, it unplugs the cork at the bottom of a dwindling belief in the fairness of the system. Words cannot express the melange of anger, anguish and frustration i feel. That these kind of scum can meddle with the system, bend it to their own desire, and even try and deprive others of their fair chance to prove themselves, fills me with an anger that haunts my step, and dogs my waking moments. That furthermore, they are exemplified as the cream of the crop, makes me want to rip that bar off my shoulder and spit at the mockery of leadership they, through their actions, have twisted that bar to mean. Nine months of shit is not worth having to pay lip service to these kind of people as my betters. If you're good, you don't need to resort to this kind of underhand means to show your talent.


Footnote- After typing this out one and a half weeks after penning it down, i am surprised to see that the vehemence of my reaction is still as strong. So to those people who think that its their right to undermine a system for their own good, here's my two bits:
.
..
...
EAT S**T AND DIE YOU MOTHERF**ERS!
MAY YOU BURN IN HELL FOR YOUR SINS!
...
..
.
God give me the strength to be true to myself, my beliefs and my conviction. And please strike down these assholes with fire and brimstone. amen.

Backstabbing, plotting, and the heart of darkness

really, the title says it all. I learned a lot of things listening to a story on a bus, and words cannot express how my faith in the system has been smashed. Needless to say it validates my opinions of certain award winners i know...

i'm too pissed to make much sense now. i will rant another day.

Thats funny...

A Prayer for the Stressed
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
the courage to change the things I cannot accept,
and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill today because they got on my nerves.

And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today
as they may be connected to the feet I may have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me to always give 100% at work....
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
2O% on Thursday
5% on Fridays

And help me to remember...
When I'm having a really bad day,
and it seems that people are trying to wind me up,
that it takes 42 muscles to frown,
28 to smile
and only 4 to extend my arm
and bitchslap someone in the mouth!

I like the sound of that.

HUMOUR

While my guitar gently weeps...

Firstly, to all the chinese people out there, Gong Xi Fa Cai, Xin Nian Quai Le, Bu Bu Gao Shen, Shen Ti Jian Kang, Nian Nian You Yu, Guo Tai Ming An! I'm playing on racial stereotypes and ignoring the fact that some chinese are lazy bastards and probably do not deserve the blessings of a new year, but its not too late for them to repent isn't it?

Went visiting today, did the usual rounds--- First to the temple where my father pays his respect to buddhism, and where i strikingly feel out of place. Its the worst time of the year to undergo a religious crisis... I seriously did not know what to feel or expect... i just mimed and went along with what they were doing... is that wrong? To me it is, my heart wasn't in it. It didnt feel good.

Then to visit both grandparents, and see my niece. I'm an uncle... well done! my cousin has a 11 month old baby. Still small and cute. Thats on my dad's side. on my mom's side, i've got an "aunty" thats 2 years younger than me, but generationally, she's my mom's dad's sister's daughter, so she's my mom's generation. What utter rubbish.

I finally got my electric guitar back. Music with Rocks In!!! Muahaha!!!!! Well, not exactly. Can't really think of many songs i would like to play that i want to learn. Maybe Offspring. Need to brush up on my technique. Or maybe i'll try selling it to my brother. =)

Driving Lessons

I am pissed off. Starting on driving lessons are taking far longer than i expected. Some bitch at the counter yesterday refused to let me apply for a THEORY test because i did not bring my specs, and could not pass the vision test. That B.I.T.C.H refused to budge when i explained that i only had a small degree error in my eyes and it had never given me problems before. She insisted that i go all the way back and get it. For real. a FRICKIN WASTE OF TIME!!!!!! Had to go down again today. and found out that the next vacancy for the basic theory test in in APRIL!!!!! thats two months of waiting i have to do before taking this crap test! Bah!!!!!

just bitching. Good day.

One week in 6SIR

Hmmm. Honestly i thought i was going to go through shit when i went there. What with all that UIP and back to trainee lifestyle thing going on... honestly i booked in with a mixed bag of emotions, full of uncertainty. But hey, being a trainee is so much more different from being a cadet!

The course we attended this week was quite interesting. A little dry, as we had already learnt some of what was covered, but quite informative. I interacted with a lot of people from really realy different backgrounds. It's still odd to see warrant officers two or three times my age calling me sir. its almost embarassing.

And my god, are those people experienced. There is so much that they have to share and talk about. The first day it seemed like we stepped into a high school reunion. The new officers were really out of place, as the warrants started jabbering and jibing each other out loud in front of the entire course.

Some of them probably know more about the course matter than the instructors assigned to teach. Now thats what i call experience. =)

Muahahaha.

lousy pic of my face. eeeewww.

Yeja, Me, Kuan Hoong and my bro

Parade in order

The Road not taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

Comms Ball

Grand events at the Grand Copthorne... One of the most memorable nights i've had. Considering that i had to pay through the nose for it, it had better be! WSM was screwing around with the co-host from MDC as an emcee, and Commander wasn't too pleased. He seemed quite sick of WSM's ranting by the time he was called on stage for the lucky draw.

Had a really good time with my date that night. Considering that it was only the second time i'd seen her, it seemed quite amazing that i was enjoying myself talking to her. Maybe i should get to know her better.-further content on this topic self-censored.-

I am amazed at the comms mag though... i think that frank and gang has done a good job. The magazine brings back the memories of the hard times spent together, and the tears and sweat that dripped off our tired bodies... Its more than just a yearbook, its a record of all the pain and suffering we went through, an inscription of fire that burns itself into the hallways of our memories... yup it brings out powerful emotions... good job guys!

Got a lot of paraphenalia from the last few weeks of my ocs life... polo tees, other personalised stuff... things that i wonder if i would even use. Are memories that all precious? or to put it in another manner- how much would you pay for a crystallised memory? at least they could give something more practical.(no this is not a veiled insult at the gifts given, just that i think more thoughts could be given to the gifts.)

anyway... a quote my friend sent me to congratulate me on my commissioning:

"Nothing so conclusively prove's a man ability to lead others as what he does from day to day to lead himself." -Thomas J Watson

Aaargh. It's not easy being a paragon of virtue, but someone's gotta do it!

Post-Commissioning Arrogance Disorder

Post Commissioning Arrogance Disorder (PCAD)- A mental disorder which affects new 2LTs, who are vulnerable within 2 weeks of their commissioning. Symptoms include: 1. Breakdown of personal discipline (I.E not bothering to meet timings and coming late, falling asleep during lessons), 2. Loss of good manners (Not listening to lecturer, talking while lecturer is talking) 3. A sudden lack of maturity( I can squabble like a child, get angry over the smallest things, and expect the world to revolve around me. I am the centre of my universe so everything has to be for me, Me, ME!) Cure- As yet there has been no single remedy for this disorder. Several ideas that are reputed to work are: 1. 7 extras in new unit, 2. Scolding by previous instructors/ senior commanders, 3. Decommissioning (though rare), 4. Told off by their peers for conduct unbecoming of an officer (reputedly does not work well).

Personal favourite- A tight slap and a good spanking, followed by at least 2 of the 4 alternatives mentioned above. Being commissioned doesn't give you the right to act like an ass, you f***ers out there!!!

Some thoughts of a new 2LT

Lectures for half a day. I think its a miracle that we didnt piss the lecturer off. I think that if i was a lecturer, i would be really really pissed at trying to lecture new officers. Some people just don't have that level of basic respect to listen when others have something to say. This black bar on your shoulder does not give you the right to be an arrogant prick. Nor does it make us correct all the time. I think many people take this bar in the wrong manner. And it does reinforce my convictions that some people should never have gotten the bar in the first place.

Anyway, finally managed to get a comms ball date. In the strangest of places. Is there something wrong with going with my buddy's girlfriend's sister? hmmm. Ah well, Carpe Diem! seize the opportunity. Its been a while since i last met anyone new. About time i became more social.

COMMISSION LOH!!!

Commissioned on 230105.

Words can only begin to describe the deep feelings welling up inside. I almost cried on the parade square. The symbolic end of the ten months of training, culminating in a grand parade with the president in attendence.

When the president walked past in review, i didn't feel anything. Was i meant to? He seemed like just another old man......

Pride. The pride of commissioning as an officer.
Pride. The pride of commissioning as an infantry officer.
Pride. The pride of commissioning as an infantry officer from Delta Wing.
Pride. Many meanings, many forms. Not arrogance, but pride.

I take a lot of pride in doing what i do. And in what i have done. Hopeully, it goes for the future too.

Meeting the Family...

Once a year (actually more, but not so often), i get together with the rest of my extended family... Sit down and have a chinese dinner with them, meeting up with the cousins and so on and so forth. And every single time i FORGET to bring a camera. Damn. I have 6 or so cousins, and it is so amazing that all of us look so different, and have different outlooks in life....

Cast of Characters-
1. The tanned, muscular doctor. Damn i'm jealous. He 's got a sports car too.

2. The rugged and well-travelled pilot, recently married. He flies around the world for a living. Whats there not to enjoy about the job?

3. The PSC scholar hippie. Long hair, tattoo and cute girlfriend. The surfer dude of the government bunch. Thinks that getting high on anaesthesia is a funky experience, asked if character 1 had ever given it a try...

Nevertheless to say, it was fun meeting up with them. I'm in that strange transitional phase when i'm not regarded as a kid, but neither am i considered an adult. God it sucks to be in between...

Ah well. One more day to commissioning. hope all that time spent in training was worth it. I would really hate to fall flat on the parade tomorrow.

Thank you Thank you Thank you Frank....

GREAT! Finally got some of this black S*** i called a blog changed! At least i managed to add the links and a photo to boot. All thanks to Frank, who taught me how to right-click and "View Source" other people's blogs.

......
Ok that was a trifle mundane, but after trying it for a couple of weeks without success, one would be grateful for any kind of assistance. Especially since i'm kind of a html idiot. HTML programming for dummies anyone?

Oh God i still have trouble finding a date for my Commissioning Ball... This is highly embarassing. Even my friends are having trouble trying to help me. Is this some kind of conspiracy? I don't think i'm that repulsive. Maybe its the way i asked. Ya i guess it was. Messaging people always seemed kind of a cold way to bring a point across. But what choice did i have? Cadet life is virtually a 0530 to 2230 job. Bah. Blame it on spending life too occupied with doing things, and not socialising enough. Or at least not socialising enough with the right people.

2 days more...

The fact is sinking in. It is but 2 days more until the long journey has ended. The culmination of 9 months of sweat, blood and tears. The words escape me. I cannot believe that i am leaving this place that i curse at everytime i bookin. Where i spent endless time in learning, living, and taking the opressive punishments. I cleared out all of my stuff when i left last night. The bunk seems so empty... Life is leaving Delta Wing, and it is not likely to return.

ACPC

Tedious ceromonies... The last 2 days were boring and tedious. Sitting upright in a padded chair (and not allowed to lean back!!!) and listening as 300++ people get their swords and certificates... watching people screwup on stage... watch people fall asleep... watch people do pushups and jumping jacks after being caught sleeping... the sword presentation itself takes 2 hours!!!! Aaaargh!!!!!!! This is killing me man...

Postings... 6SIR!!! hoo-ha!

Finally got my posting orders... I'm going to 6SIR! =)
It just feels good to know where the end of the road is for me... It puts a cap to the certain uncertainty and frustration that clouds the mind and slows the thinking. Anyway, the best thing about 6 is that... its not 5! I had certain apprehensions about working with Cpt Chua again. i didn't think i would be comfortable working with him. Thank God i'm in 6. Plus there's a whole gangbang of other Delta and Foxtrot cadets going there too. Sounds like its going to be a lot of fun...
But its going to be sad, parting with all of my previous friends. parting is such sweet sorrow...and i'm really gonna miss some of these people. Of course, some i wont miss though...
But enough of that. The warm glow of satisfaction and happiness should rub out all negative feelings.

End of an long, long, long long, week..........

Oh my god. This week felt like crap. runs and marches every day, ad topping it off with 2 hours of drill... and being made fun of by the SSM while i was modelling the No.2 uniform. Where can i hide my face now?
Anyway, i'm finally in the comforts of my own home... my feet are aching after walking in those drill boots. looks like this weekend is going to be shot too.
Ningyan got the Sword of Honour, no suprises there. Everyone was rooting for him. The Sword of Merit winners were more controversial though... Not everyone agreed that some people deserved it. Personally, i felt that there were other better cadets. And with rumours of politics and hidden agendas going on behind closed doors, i feel that the judging might have been a bit biased. F*** politics man. Where is the fair system where the best get rewarded? Favouritism has no place in a military setting. No names though, its only my opinion. I don't want to get a little friendly stab in the back when i'm sleeping in camp one night... Needless to say i'm not too happy at the selection of the best cadets. Maybe its because i thought i could be one of them. Guess thats not the case. As my sergeant-major says, its only....
IF! you make it.
......
Oh wait that was so wrong. I know i made it. I know i'm as good as they are. If the instructors don't think so, well, F*** what they think. I know i can do it. So there.

PAC!!! Hoo-ha!

As usual, as the end of the week dawns, there is a pleasant feeling inside...almost makes me want to sing. =)
This was a horrible week. It looked okay, but it was horrible. 6km run on tuesday, 8km fastmarch on wednesday, 10km run on thursday, and the finale- the platoon assault course on friday. Looking at it, i guess thats the most distance i've covered in one week since... well, since.
And that f***er, hichael, keeps making fun of my face. That bastard laughs everytime he sees my "calm, composed features". bah.

A most depressing New Year

Ok, for the second day of the New Year, its been raining from 7 in the morning to seven in the evening. hardly a great start. How are we going to do parade rehearsals like this? I guess we'll be doing wet weather rehearsals most of the time... Going back into camp tonight (in 1 hour to be exact.) Doesn't feel as bad as it normally does. Guess i'm getting immune to it already.

A new year dawns

Now in camp again. got the most shitty shift of cadet duty, booking in and out for all three days of this long weekend. This has got to be one of the most depressing New Year's day i have seen in a long time. Its been raining here since morning. Thats about 5 hours worth of rain. Its quite a bit, once you think of it.
I came prepared to fully enjoy the call of duty (rather, punishment) in camp. With my Nomad Jukebox, and a small store of books, i'm comfortably insulated from the despair of being in camp. Actually planned to sleep off most of the day, after the countdown party at zouk last night. Maybe i will sleep early. Can't really pack my field pack cos i ain't got the items. So how? Chill dudes...