Completely, and absolutely, Moo.

Sometimes no word can describe how you're really feeling.

Mundanity strikes, dragging life into mindless routine. I took a job to occupy my time so that life won't plod on by so slowly. Its worked too well. I cant wait for the next two weeks to be over. Time to move on. There are more things in life that happen besides office work. I haven't been to a club in 4 months and its showing.

The word eludes me- How with 2 days a week of relaxation, people can somehow work out a way to enjoy themselves more than a month of sundays. But give a man a week.... and somehow even the most enjoyable activities pale to insignificance. Any army boy can tell you that. How suddenly one day of freedom seems so important, as a rest stop, and as a priming of the spirit against the dark week ahead.

The most interesting thing that happened to me the last few days was a good game of munchkins. How much worse than that can life get?

I need to buckle down and start preparing for Uni. Read up on my math, get myself mentally prepared to face yet another extremely competitive environment... I sometimes wonder if i can make it. If i can take the stress of reimmersing myself into the deep end.

Then i wonder- What is it all about anyway? I cant imagine how the people at my workplace take it. When they finish their studies, they end up in the same office, working the same job, doing the same things.... week after endless week, month after endless month... I admire their stamina. After 2 months of doing a temps job there, my brain feels numb. I cannot fathom how the perm staff manage.

Im losing the war against flab. I need to lose, lose, lose, what i gained, gained, gained. This is intolerable. I cannot stand what is happening to me. My self control is gone. I used to have no problem exercising alone before army... now it seems like such a chore. Somehow, someway, i need to influence myself. But that can only come from within. Where inside me can i find a reason to do what needs to be done?

I feel like im losing control of my life. There is a point where i clearly knew what i want, what i need, what i must do. Somehow somewhere i need to find that point again. Regain the focus. Reach my personal Nirvana so to say. Personal mastery seems so far away. I had it in my grasp... But it slipped.

I will not doom myself to failure. I have always believed in self-actualization. The mind creates its own paradigms. I will succeed. Because i can. And i will.

You know how sometimes, words cannot express exactly how you feel? That there is no combination of characters that unlock the lexicon of language to unravel the twisting pathways of feeling? Thats right. How do i feel right now? Completely, and absolutely, MOO.