w0000000000t.

They can't take that away from me

I wont let one in on a sorrowful note
Though by tomorrow you're gone
The song is ended but as the songwriter wrote
the melody lingers on
They may take you from me
I'll miss your fond caress
But though they take you from me
i'll still posess...
The way you wear your hat
the way you sip your tea
the memory of all that
no,no, they cant take that away from me
the way your smile just beams,
the way you sing off key
the way you haunt my dreams,
no no they cant take that away from me
we may never never meet again on the bumpy road to love
still i'll always, always keep the memory of
the way you hold your knife
the way we dance till three
the way you changed my life
no, no they cant take that away from me
no,
they cant take that away from me!

Musings...

Things i plucked out from assorted musings, sitting in an ops room, confined within the area for 2 days...

Hypothesis of Leadership by example
Rot spreads from the top.

Hypothesis of responsibility
Not just to do the right things, but to do the right things right.

Psychosomatic impressions- Mind over body, live life the way you think you should.

Idiosyncracies- Manners, attitude, arrogance.

Ideals- An officer and a gentlemen.

Decoding? do it yourself you lazy bastards...

Firsts!

Hmmm. Elation.

Many firsts today. Its the first time my OC asked me to go early to facilitate handover. And he didnt appear until most of it was over. Taking advantage of his 2nd in command? I think its trust that i can do what needs to be done.
First time i gave an ops backbrief. Didnt get flamed. So it was a relief. Guess i knew my stuff.
first time i got praised for good work (presentation!) So i DID know my stuff. =)

Hard work + effort = job well done.

Guess some things dont change even in this dystopic place.

*disclaimer- was commented about talking too fast and beating around the bush a little. But hey, who's perfect?

Additional- this is the first positive post in a LOOOONG time...

Sin City

Aaargh!!!! What is it going to take for me to watch this show!!! Looks great. but R21. And my friends cant seem to be able to decide on any timing to meet to watch.



Jessica Alba is.... ok maybe hot. I dunno. I rather Penelope Cruz... and that SEXY voice...

??? interesting.

Did the following quiz... had the result-

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??


Aphrodite/Eros

How true can this be? Looking for "The one", for sure. Its hard to find someone like that, but i guess i'll keep trying.

Meanwhile its a really really corny intepretation......

Interesting post...

Muahaha.


http://rockson.blogspot.com/2005/07/nkf-boss-got-cheebye-12-months-bonus.html

Surfin' the waves of the Blogosphere...

Slave to the Music

Two weeks ago... tragedy struck!
I walked into my office, plugged in my MP3 player, and to my horror, discovered a foul change- sometime over the weekend, the speakers had burned out!!! WHERE WAS I GOING TO TUNE MYSELF INTO MY MUSIC??? This set a tone for a disturbing week... the office seemed so quiet... Like disaster waiting to strike. I cannot vouch for myself, but i think i was quite cranky over that episode... Until i found out- It was only the main speaker that was damaged- the other one could plug to my Zen without any problems. A little soft, but any sound is better than nothing at all.
And once again, all was right with the world...

Also, i just realised... Im allergic to people with bad manners. Not rashes and scratchy allergic, but RAGING FURIOUS AND MURDEROUS allergic. I think its a good thing. I like to help people. But people who don't even bother to ask before taking things, people who hang up on you because they think they're busy and cannot afford to spend time to say "sorry, i need to go, bye"... Now those are people who i have a bone to pick with. Irritating bastards. Go live in your own world, get out of mine.

Temporary Rationality

Again, its been a while. i hate blogging once a month. Should do it more often.

Jack-style...

Rumours,BattHQ.Goddamn whore of this fckin Batt. TES wargaming funfunfun...didnt tell because its not winning or losing that matters, its how hard they fight. Shouldnt have bothered to wake up and work last week, it didnt make sense. Friend recovered from heat exhaustion, worryworryworry. We didnt know until it was almost over. So sorry... Streetwear. Quality over quantity. Shopping and Fcking. Love and sex are two different things. FullMetalAlchemist. Law of Conservation. To receive, you must first give something of equal value. Thats life. Goals. where are mine? Guild Wars. 180hrs in 55 days. Waste, obsession, or just fun? Goals again. Why am i doing what i am doing? Someone told me a suprising answer,which i didnt expect him to be able to. Even assholes have a direction. Wheres mine? God no im not suicidal. Far from it. I have been blessed with many more options.

God its been a while...

Man. Im lost.

What am i doing? Why am i doing this?

Its hard to record confusion and a lack of purpose. But im trying my best. I've lost focus. Thats all i have to report. NoMen. NoReason. NoLove. NoLife. The only constant thing that has remained is my muSic. Its not a question of addiction, its a question of enJOYment. Its the one thing that keeps me sANe. I cant hide from MY lying eyes. Where is the pASSion? the CONviction? I feel like im living a LIE. Indecisiveness and inaction hides a lack of MOTIVATION. So what if i go out and enjoy? What am i relaxing from? I have yet to convince myself that i deserve the rest that i deserve to get. MeaningLESS. Servitude through paper pushing. Superficial friends. Morality and magic pens. Lust for sale, sold! Long talks with friends who were always there, but i had ignored. To you guys- im sorry. Im not as good a friend as i want to be. Thanks for always being there. I have no GOD. I have no FAITH. I have no reason to carry out my job. Or its not so much in my mind that its at the tips of my fingers. Need to think. Not BURNout. Not STRESS. Its...

Direction. where am i heading?

No sense in raving. No sense in ranting. I need MY time. There are more ways to enjoy yourself besides a drunken frenzy, or dark and wild places. Sort myself out. Why should i care, why should i do? Thats something i need to answer to myself.

Episode III

My life in this batt seems to have taken a turn for the busier. There is a lot of crap a 2IC is supposed to do. And having scored three extras for leaving a stamp on the table isn't going to help it much. Over a week, i think i managed somehow to get 3 CDO duties, as well as 2 BDO and 3 extras. Hmmm....... something doesnt seem quite right here. And my company is on standby next weekend. Im going to see more of camp than of home. Immediately after the standby we're going on deployment. Sigh. More and more i long for the simple life of a PC. At least there were the men. Now it seems an endless barrage of assignments and duties. There are lots of things that need to be done. And it has come at a most opportune time...

DO duty sucks. I was supposed to go and receive Junwei when he came back from the states. Haven't seen that bugger in almost 4 years. wait, more than 4 years. Wonder how much he had changed. i bet we all did. It must have been quite a shock. Haven seen my Sec sch mates for quite a while either. How much have they changed?

I was chatting with jo the other night. we'd come a long long way since we carpooled to school 6 years ago. A long journey that changes all of us. She was commenting that all of us had grown up. Some more cynical, some more jaded, some completely awry, some just out of whack. Has this life we led corrupted the thinking of young minds? Or is it the penetrating tendrils of society and the stark harshness of the real world that hardens our thinking?

For me, it was army that facilitated the transformation. Coming in as a young, green recruit, i enjoyed BMT and the camaraderie that existed between my platoon mates. We all were the 'scholar batch' and thus enjoyed some privileges. That i do not deny. But does it make us any inferior to other more 'siong' companies? i think not. Then came OCS. Once more, i ended up in the 'scholar batch'. This time it was different. We were whacked beyond our limits, beyond recognising, and many times beyond reason. Why? Because life is a BITCH. Yes, thats it, life is a BITCH. You put in your 100%, someone else doesn't, everyone gets the shit that flies from the fan. And furthermore, its not always the most qualified or the one who puts in the most effort that gets the place of respect and honour. It seems to me, at the end of my course, that most of those graded better were ball-carrying, boot-licking, apple-polishing bastards, who happened to know a way to get what they want by any and all means possible. Even if it meant total disregard for the rules and for others. To them, the end justifies the means.

And now, in this batt...... sigh. somehow i managed to see the symptoms before everyone else did. There is something dreadfully wrong. Its spreading... the sense of unease and dissatisfaction. Or is it the gradual awakening to the truth of the real world? "Welcome to the desert of the real world," Morpheus said in the Matrix. Is it that when we are young our world is but a collection of illusions that we hold to ourselves? And the price of growing up is the stripping of these illusions, the revelation of the real world.

You know, maybe bat2 was right. young, stupid. Not green, but stupid enough to believe that green is all that we are.


"So this is how freedom dies. To thunderous applause."

Its been a while...

Wow. Almost a month. Went on deployment, came back. Had the most rude shock in my life on the last week of deployment. The news came in a SMS. "the new guy? Yeah, he'll be taking your platoon." I was stunned. I didnt know how to react. Suddenly i felt bereft. Cut adrift. Left out in the deep blue sea. How can you justify breaking a relationship with your men that has been budding for 2 months? i was just getting to know them really well. And now... Bereft, alone, drifted. Looking back, i will miss the moments shared as a PC with them. It was definitely one of the most engaging experience in my life. Like the girlfriend i never had. Learning about what makes them tick, hearing their problems, helping them through the tough times, enjoying the good. At least im still in the company. Although i initially wanted to be a 2ic i did not expect it to happen this way. Its like the baby and the lollipop. To really make it sting, give it to the baby, then take it back a little later. The frustration, hopelessness and anger just piles up... Nothing can reveal how i feel. Maybe i'll change my blog title again. I realised...... i do give a flying f***. There are things that matter a lot to me.

Keep movin' on...

Next week we leave to carry out our primary mission.

The men have promised me that on deployment they will always be the best they can be.

Its difficult, no doubt. But its a task we have to do.

With grim determination and attitude...

Million Dollar Baby

My god, this is one hell of a depressing show. Never thought it would be that bad. Its a good show, but the ending is fucked up. So much for happily ever after.

Thinking of the old times...

Starship- Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now...

Looking in your eyes I see a paradise
This world that I've found
Is too good to be true
Standing here beside you
Want so much to give you
This love in my heart that I'm feeling for you

Let 'em say we're crazy, I don't care about that
Put your hand in my hand baby
Don't ever look back
Let the world around us just fall apart
Baby we can make it if we're heart to heart

Chorus:
And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us now

I'm so glad I found you
I'm not gonna lose you
Whatever it takes I will stay here with you
Take it to the good times
See it through the bad times
Whatever it takes is what I'm gonna do

Let 'em say we're crazy, what do they know
Put your arms around me baby
Don't ever let go
Let the world around us just fall apart
Baby we can make it if we're heart to heart

And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us

Ooh, all that I need is you
All that I ever need
And all that I want to do
Is hold you forever, ever and ever, hey

And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothing's gonna stop us
Nothing's gonna stop us, whoa
Nothing's gonna stop us now, oh no

Hey baby, I know, hey baby, nothing's gonna stop us
Hey baby, woo, nothing, hey baby
Nothing's gonna stop us now yeah


....................
Love this song. so much hope, so much commitment. Me and you against the world. *sigh*