Just shoot me and get it over and done with.

I do enjoy spending time with you, i do.

But god, this is driving me insane. Maybe im horrible at reading signals. Maybe im thinking things are there when they aren't. But i know one thing. It drives me crazy to see you there, just within reach, but untouchable. Friends. Yes. More? It drives me nuts. I've been spending quite some time with you. God knows, i enjoy it. But from there, what? stay at this stage? I don't know. Move on? I don't know. You're willing to spend time with me. Yes. We can talk. Yes. But what is this nagging feeling of doubt that plagues me as i go? Am i not good enough? Am i perhaps too tall/dark/fat/kentang/boring? I always hoped you enjoyed our time together as much as i did. Even as friends. Because god knows, i want to make you happy. I want to see the smile thats in your eyes light up your face, like a candle in deep darkness. I want to talk to you when you're down, and cheer you up. I want to hold your hand, and feel the warmth of your hand touching mine, locked in a requited clasp. I want to put my arm around your shoulder and stroke your lovely long hair. I want to be the only person that you will ever need.

I want to hold you in my arms, look deep into your eyes, and tell you that i love you.

But this is a cruel world, and we do not always get what we want.

Important decisions...

Who to vote for? Taylor Hicks or Kathryn?(i think its spelled that way)

But man, does she sound great in "Somewhere over the rainbow"...

Anyway more importantly, i got to work on my finances. In order to have enough money to last me to uni (not even saying THROUGH), i got to scrimp and save every cent i have. Daily spending down, until BKK trip. Damn...

Lost in thought?

I hate people who suddenly leave off a conversation. Its like they're there for a while... then suddenly you get the impression you're talking to a wall.

Lost-

Hmm. not such a good beginning to a week.

Dropped my phone in the middle of a 4 lane carriageway. Feels kind of silly. Or sad. Perhaps it might be tragic... Its not that it wants to be lost. But somehow, the loss feels...... Well, preordained. Its not the first phone i've lost. At least i don't lose it often.

Tragedy struck. I walked back, pacing myself to the point of loss. The phone was nowhere to be found. The surface of the metalled roads leading to suntec were flat and even. Nowhere in sight was the little black package that heralded my audio package. My heart fell. It was gone for good.

I imagine the crunch as tires ram over the poor defenceless thing.

Adieu. Its been a good two years. May you reach the gates of the great charging slot in the sky peacefully.

Mixed Musings

To my friends that went on a half-assed trip through half of south-east asia... welcome home. Its great to be back isnt it?

I marvel at the kind of people who can just drop everything and pack up and go, without a clear goal in sight. It takes a remarkable leap of faith to go without a complete idea of the destination. Life itself can be taken that way- I mean, we all end up in a coffin, but how are we going to get there? Thats the beauty of life.

Well,its not like i don't regret going with you. I've had a good time in Singapore the past few weeks. Working life isn't that much of a drag when you have hilarious colleagues, as well as work thats varied. (im not going to say interesting because mostly it isn't.) But hey, theres always that part of me that regrets not going with you all... Well, we're young, there's always other times.

The drama of Singapore politics...... I mean, seriously, this time its total bull crap. Politics shouldn't be about carrots and sticks. It should be about idealogies and plans. Going into the fray with half-assed plans about using national reserves to subsidise spending is not going to cut the cheese. Eventually you realise that these are short term solutions that do not work at the cause of the problem, but instead work on alleviating the effects. I praise the one-party system. It has brought us far, and i hope it will bring us further. LKY, GCK and LHL, do your best. You have brought us far. We trust you to bring us further. Not that im lambasting the opposition. Some are serious people who know what they are doing. Kudos to the AMK Suicide Six. It takes guts to bring you there. The people appreciate you. But not to say that all the people are intelligent. A friend wrote- Do not vote opposition for the sake of opposing. USE YOUR DAMN BRAINS. While they are noble and good, their ideals cant hold water for nuts.

i still take the stand that G* is an idiot. If you're wrong, admit it. Your actions and words are too glib to be true. And leaving the country one day after the election? I see. Oooh it looks so coincidental...... What if you had won? Or if it didn't happen? Would you still be flying?

More to come...