And the truth dawns......

After the test.

I look at what i have done to prepare. I look at the time i spent to read through the notes, work on problems, question the theories and think through the assumptions. What do i get? I did get a better understanding of the subject. It may not be exam smart, but i feel i learnt it more thoroughly.

No matter how much i study, i will not be able to score 100%. Thats how i see it. There will always be some problem. As reluctant as i am to believe it, there are many, many more intelligent people out there. Yes i said it. As much as i want to believe that i am smart, there are many, many smarter people out there.

And it pisses me off!

Why?

I realise- When i was in primary school, i was near the bottom of a very high calibre class. After that in sec sch and in JC, i was near the top of a middle calibre class. And now in Uni, in Chem Engin especially, where all the "medicine rejects" and smartarses go... apparently history is cyclical. Back to the bottom of the top. Or so called the crap of the cream. Not just the PRCs and other foreign scholars. Chem Engin has gathered the cream of the nations engineers together. And apparently, im on the wrong end of the bell curve here.

So im not so smart i guess.

But im not going to stop at that.

You may be smarter. You may be more hardworking. You may have more time. You may understand better.

For now.

I promise you all this. You all want to keep me on the wrong side of the bell curve? Do try your best. I WILL NOT MAKE IT EASY.

This is my promise to myself. I will say it now. Either second class upper, or first class honours. I want it, i will work for it, and i WILL GET IT. I have come here for a reason. I am in NUS to get my degree. And i'll be damned if i don't do well. Because i always do the best i can in all circumstances. And i'll be damned if my best just cannot cut it.

I will not go quietly into the night.