600km in 2 days

After an embarassing fiasco with my dad, I eventually had to sell my tickets to the Mr Big concert to a friend of a friend. Thank god there was an available buyer, and I didn't incur too much of a loss. It didn't help that a certain xialan Jah went to catch them in Bangkok for half the price I paid, and was taunting me with vivid descriptions of the performance. Aaargh they played smoke on the water! But anyway I digress.

So on Friday night, after 3 liters of beer made their way in (and out of) my mouth, I somehow managed to make my way home to crawl into bed with a massive death wish, only to wake up at 4 with an even larger hangover. I haven't felt this bad since I kicked that cuts little puppy. Well, I didn't really kick a cute puppy, but that's how bad I felt. It didn't help that I had to pack a suit and stuff for 2 days worth of weddings in one and a half hours, and somehow manage to get myself washed up in the process. Miraculously I managed to get the deed done, even stealing some time to lie groaning on my bed, between trips to the toilet clearing the stomach reflux, remnants of last nights excesses. By the time Jimmy pulled up, the only reminder I had of my massive binge was a splitting headache and the stale taste of bile behind my teeth. I felt like an involuntary bulimic.

I guess after 7 years of drinking, I finally figured out how to deal with the post-partum puking: starve it. I don't think anything went into my stomach until late in the afternoon. On the bright side, nothing came out either! Besides some ghost retching, the ride up was relatively uneventful. Maybe it was because I was in no position to say or do anything besides moan and whimper. But again I digress.

We arrived at KL, or rather, near KL. Apparently we were to be housed at Sunway Lagoon, which was a queer coincidence for it came across one of my conversations I had at work the week before. I didn't expect to be seeing that place again so soon, considering that the last time I was there was probably more than ten years ago. I could hardly recognize the place! It looked so completely different. We dropped by the bridal salon before we checked in, to dress up the car. something simple, but hardy. After all, it had to survive a 300km drive down the next day. I met the bride, for the second time in my life. She looked normal then. That would change soon.

So after checking in, I went with Jimmy to wander around the attached shopping centre, which was massive, with a skating rink right in the middle of one of the foyers. Now why don't we ever so something like that? It was rather popular, with skaters of all ages and skill. I barely managed to finish a mac meal ( that's how bad I felt) before crawling back to the room to pass out for the rest of the day. Now I haven't stayed in a hotel in a while and I might be biased. But this felt like heaven. If ever any of you really feel tired, book a hotel room, and just spend the entire day sleeping in it. Guaranteed to make you feel better.

That night was the first wedding dinner, and the brides family was out in full force. They practically took up the entire restaurant, rambling on boisterously. Dinner was great, I haven't had a traditional 7 course dinner in a while. I'm not sure about the number of courses, but still it was good. The entrance of the newly wedded couple was astounding. I swear I had never seen either of them look so good before in my life. The rest of the night went on like a standard Chinese wedding dinner. The cake cutting, the champagne popping, the interlocked armed champagne drinking, the toast, the tabled toasts... Which usually results in a very drunk looking groom, and Zongxun was no exception. But it's all in good fun. The dinner was peppered with bouts of karaoke, and to my surprise, I actually knew most of the songs they were singing! Normally it's nothing special for me to recognize songs, but this time they were all Chinese. Gives me some motivation to learn some Chinese ballads though. We eventually got back to the hotel at 11, just to knock out again in preparation for the next day.

So the next morning, we got up at 6, because the overly anxious groom wanted to get us ready early. Considering we were expected at the brides house at 9, and it was 20 minutes away, I would think that his jitters were getting a little too much control over him. So we had breakfast, at the hotel buffet. Again, I haven't had a hotel buffet in ages, and it tasted completely awesome. The only reason I didn't make a pig of myself was because I didn't want to burst out of my suit. Wait, did I mention my suit? Apparently, when Zongxun asked me to be the best man, he wasn't kidding. What else could I do? SUIT UP!

So we left for the brides house, the groom and his small entourage of 6. We got there in 3 cars, horning and yelling and generally making a royal nuisance of ourselves. When we got there I was shocked. The bride was rolling about 97655738 deep in homies. I might be exagerrating, but I swear there were at least 40 people waiting for us in the house.

Upon seeing us outside, the bridesmaids weren't going to let us in without a fight. Their terms? Either we play a game with them, or fork out 9999 bucks. I'm fairly sure we could afford the latter, but it's so much more fun to do the former. The first challenge? A song from the groom professing love for the bride. And this crappy groom couldn't remember lyrics for nuts, so that's where I came in. After a couple of verses of "Words", they were satisfied, if not swooning. Next up, the groom had to identify the lipstick mark of his bride amongst a myriad of smooches. If he got it wrong, one of his entourage would have to add his own mark (with lipstick generously supplied by the bridesmaids) to another sheet. And he had to get it wrong 3 times, dooming his brother, Jimmy and myself to don lipstick. The third challenges was to survive 4 tastes, sweet, sour, bitter and spicy. Hold on, I just realized it shouldn't be spicy, but rather salty. But we got spicy anyway. Concentrated sugar solution, fresh lemon juice, bittergourd juice, and wasabe hidden in rice cakes. I almost didn't make it past the wasabe... But I did. After that the girls relented and let us in. As we approached the brides room, we were stopped at the door, a final challenge. Zongxun had to read aloud and sign a finely worded contract, professing his eternal love and devotion to his new wife. And not just in english, but in Cantonese too! Hilarious. After he signed it,( with a pen, though I maintain they should have made him sign it in blood) they let him in. The bride was radiant, they looked so happy together. After sharing a kiss, they went down to offer tea to their elders. Now, that took a while. I realized why the bride had so many people at her place, her family was huge. The two of them spent almost half an hour offering tea to what seemed like an endless chain of uncles and aunties, of course after their parents.

What followed next was probably one of the most bizarre things I have ever witnessed. We all got into the cars, and as a procession drove down to JB. That's a 300km drive from the brides home to the grooms home. Now, that's definitely a long way to go to steal a bride. We even stopped halfway at one of the rest stops, as per normal for any long trip. I did feel a little odd stopping there in a suit though.

We eventually got down, did a far shorter tea session with the grooms side, then proceeded for a second wedding dinner. Talk about excess, I think I had way too much to eat. But all for a good cause I guess.

So i kind of missed Mr Big, but I guess I couldn't have missed this without a clear conscience. Well, more weddings to come.

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