Revelations

140205
Perhaps it was too much good coffee. Or it was weighing too much on my mind, I had learned far more than i ever thought i would know about this sordid affair. i knew i was unaware of a lot of things that happened in the platoon, but i had no idea exactly how much i did not know. What i learned tonight has effectively shattered my faith in the system. I had known for some time there was something drastically wrong in the school, what with the choice of SOMs for our batch. After hearing what i heard tonight, i feel , somehow, stained. All this malicious plotting and intrigue going on under the calm surface of a peaceful platoon was too much to believe.

I had always been an idealist. I always believed that hard work and perseverance would pay off. How can i help it? Its what i had been brought up on. The basic pillars of my moral foundation- Do what you think is right, treat others as you would want others to treat you, always do your best. The three sentences that form the core of my self-belief. If i was good enough, i would stand out and be reflected so. If i wasn't, well, I'll just be another cadet. Its good to be a bladerunner. Its worthy -I've always thought- to work for something that sets a standard and shows how good you are. Not that im saying that all who get it are evil bastards. I believed that SOH deserved his commendation. He earned all the respect and praise he got.

However , how much of this could be said of the other bladeholders?

CASE STUDY

Cadet MIKE is really worked up. He was assured a position as a military scholar if he gave up the chance for his other scholarship. Imagine his chagrin when he was not awarded the scholarship. So he felt really really sore. He swore to get back at Cpt CHARLIE for deceiving him, and decided to prove that he was worthy of the scholarship by standing out from his peers. But this developed into an obsession for him. He began to monitor the peer assessment rankings (secret) through underhand, devious, and above all, ILLEGAL methods. Not content with just being the top or near the top, he schemed to discredit and undermine his would-be competitors. Anyone who was too much in favour with his superiors, he would start spreading rumours and turning popular opinion against them. Thus he maintained lordship and dominion over his unknowing subjects, with the assistance of other unscrupulous cadets who were in cahoots with him. He would do anything to maintain his position in the platoon, even to the extent of suggesting to Cpt CHARLIE that perhaps some people do not really deserve to commission after all. Cpt CHARLIE listened, for cadet MIKE had always been his grapevine to the platoon's gossip, and saw through tinted lenses the life of the platoon.

Needless to say, when i first heard the stories, i was shocked beyond belief. I had never believed that this kind of Machiavellian intrigue and plotting could exist under such a smooth looking surface, much less in the premier institution that we train at. To me, being an officer was one of the highest honours, one that affirmed your ability, morality and ethics. To learn that people like this are not only commissioned but also exemplified as poster boys of our corps, it unplugs the cork at the bottom of a dwindling belief in the fairness of the system. Words cannot express the melange of anger, anguish and frustration i feel. That these kind of scum can meddle with the system, bend it to their own desire, and even try and deprive others of their fair chance to prove themselves, fills me with an anger that haunts my step, and dogs my waking moments. That furthermore, they are exemplified as the cream of the crop, makes me want to rip that bar off my shoulder and spit at the mockery of leadership they, through their actions, have twisted that bar to mean. Nine months of shit is not worth having to pay lip service to these kind of people as my betters. If you're good, you don't need to resort to this kind of underhand means to show your talent.


Footnote- After typing this out one and a half weeks after penning it down, i am surprised to see that the vehemence of my reaction is still as strong. So to those people who think that its their right to undermine a system for their own good, here's my two bits:
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EAT S**T AND DIE YOU MOTHERF**ERS!
MAY YOU BURN IN HELL FOR YOUR SINS!
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God give me the strength to be true to myself, my beliefs and my conviction. And please strike down these assholes with fire and brimstone. amen.

Backstabbing, plotting, and the heart of darkness

really, the title says it all. I learned a lot of things listening to a story on a bus, and words cannot express how my faith in the system has been smashed. Needless to say it validates my opinions of certain award winners i know...

i'm too pissed to make much sense now. i will rant another day.

Thats funny...

A Prayer for the Stressed
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
the courage to change the things I cannot accept,
and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill today because they got on my nerves.

And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today
as they may be connected to the feet I may have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me to always give 100% at work....
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
2O% on Thursday
5% on Fridays

And help me to remember...
When I'm having a really bad day,
and it seems that people are trying to wind me up,
that it takes 42 muscles to frown,
28 to smile
and only 4 to extend my arm
and bitchslap someone in the mouth!

I like the sound of that.

HUMOUR

While my guitar gently weeps...

Firstly, to all the chinese people out there, Gong Xi Fa Cai, Xin Nian Quai Le, Bu Bu Gao Shen, Shen Ti Jian Kang, Nian Nian You Yu, Guo Tai Ming An! I'm playing on racial stereotypes and ignoring the fact that some chinese are lazy bastards and probably do not deserve the blessings of a new year, but its not too late for them to repent isn't it?

Went visiting today, did the usual rounds--- First to the temple where my father pays his respect to buddhism, and where i strikingly feel out of place. Its the worst time of the year to undergo a religious crisis... I seriously did not know what to feel or expect... i just mimed and went along with what they were doing... is that wrong? To me it is, my heart wasn't in it. It didnt feel good.

Then to visit both grandparents, and see my niece. I'm an uncle... well done! my cousin has a 11 month old baby. Still small and cute. Thats on my dad's side. on my mom's side, i've got an "aunty" thats 2 years younger than me, but generationally, she's my mom's dad's sister's daughter, so she's my mom's generation. What utter rubbish.

I finally got my electric guitar back. Music with Rocks In!!! Muahaha!!!!! Well, not exactly. Can't really think of many songs i would like to play that i want to learn. Maybe Offspring. Need to brush up on my technique. Or maybe i'll try selling it to my brother. =)

Driving Lessons

I am pissed off. Starting on driving lessons are taking far longer than i expected. Some bitch at the counter yesterday refused to let me apply for a THEORY test because i did not bring my specs, and could not pass the vision test. That B.I.T.C.H refused to budge when i explained that i only had a small degree error in my eyes and it had never given me problems before. She insisted that i go all the way back and get it. For real. a FRICKIN WASTE OF TIME!!!!!! Had to go down again today. and found out that the next vacancy for the basic theory test in in APRIL!!!!! thats two months of waiting i have to do before taking this crap test! Bah!!!!!

just bitching. Good day.

One week in 6SIR

Hmmm. Honestly i thought i was going to go through shit when i went there. What with all that UIP and back to trainee lifestyle thing going on... honestly i booked in with a mixed bag of emotions, full of uncertainty. But hey, being a trainee is so much more different from being a cadet!

The course we attended this week was quite interesting. A little dry, as we had already learnt some of what was covered, but quite informative. I interacted with a lot of people from really realy different backgrounds. It's still odd to see warrant officers two or three times my age calling me sir. its almost embarassing.

And my god, are those people experienced. There is so much that they have to share and talk about. The first day it seemed like we stepped into a high school reunion. The new officers were really out of place, as the warrants started jabbering and jibing each other out loud in front of the entire course.

Some of them probably know more about the course matter than the instructors assigned to teach. Now thats what i call experience. =)

Muahahaha.

lousy pic of my face. eeeewww.

Yeja, Me, Kuan Hoong and my bro

Parade in order

The Road not taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

Comms Ball

Grand events at the Grand Copthorne... One of the most memorable nights i've had. Considering that i had to pay through the nose for it, it had better be! WSM was screwing around with the co-host from MDC as an emcee, and Commander wasn't too pleased. He seemed quite sick of WSM's ranting by the time he was called on stage for the lucky draw.

Had a really good time with my date that night. Considering that it was only the second time i'd seen her, it seemed quite amazing that i was enjoying myself talking to her. Maybe i should get to know her better.-further content on this topic self-censored.-

I am amazed at the comms mag though... i think that frank and gang has done a good job. The magazine brings back the memories of the hard times spent together, and the tears and sweat that dripped off our tired bodies... Its more than just a yearbook, its a record of all the pain and suffering we went through, an inscription of fire that burns itself into the hallways of our memories... yup it brings out powerful emotions... good job guys!

Got a lot of paraphenalia from the last few weeks of my ocs life... polo tees, other personalised stuff... things that i wonder if i would even use. Are memories that all precious? or to put it in another manner- how much would you pay for a crystallised memory? at least they could give something more practical.(no this is not a veiled insult at the gifts given, just that i think more thoughts could be given to the gifts.)

anyway... a quote my friend sent me to congratulate me on my commissioning:

"Nothing so conclusively prove's a man ability to lead others as what he does from day to day to lead himself." -Thomas J Watson

Aaargh. It's not easy being a paragon of virtue, but someone's gotta do it!

Post-Commissioning Arrogance Disorder

Post Commissioning Arrogance Disorder (PCAD)- A mental disorder which affects new 2LTs, who are vulnerable within 2 weeks of their commissioning. Symptoms include: 1. Breakdown of personal discipline (I.E not bothering to meet timings and coming late, falling asleep during lessons), 2. Loss of good manners (Not listening to lecturer, talking while lecturer is talking) 3. A sudden lack of maturity( I can squabble like a child, get angry over the smallest things, and expect the world to revolve around me. I am the centre of my universe so everything has to be for me, Me, ME!) Cure- As yet there has been no single remedy for this disorder. Several ideas that are reputed to work are: 1. 7 extras in new unit, 2. Scolding by previous instructors/ senior commanders, 3. Decommissioning (though rare), 4. Told off by their peers for conduct unbecoming of an officer (reputedly does not work well).

Personal favourite- A tight slap and a good spanking, followed by at least 2 of the 4 alternatives mentioned above. Being commissioned doesn't give you the right to act like an ass, you f***ers out there!!!

Some thoughts of a new 2LT

Lectures for half a day. I think its a miracle that we didnt piss the lecturer off. I think that if i was a lecturer, i would be really really pissed at trying to lecture new officers. Some people just don't have that level of basic respect to listen when others have something to say. This black bar on your shoulder does not give you the right to be an arrogant prick. Nor does it make us correct all the time. I think many people take this bar in the wrong manner. And it does reinforce my convictions that some people should never have gotten the bar in the first place.

Anyway, finally managed to get a comms ball date. In the strangest of places. Is there something wrong with going with my buddy's girlfriend's sister? hmmm. Ah well, Carpe Diem! seize the opportunity. Its been a while since i last met anyone new. About time i became more social.

COMMISSION LOH!!!

Commissioned on 230105.

Words can only begin to describe the deep feelings welling up inside. I almost cried on the parade square. The symbolic end of the ten months of training, culminating in a grand parade with the president in attendence.

When the president walked past in review, i didn't feel anything. Was i meant to? He seemed like just another old man......

Pride. The pride of commissioning as an officer.
Pride. The pride of commissioning as an infantry officer.
Pride. The pride of commissioning as an infantry officer from Delta Wing.
Pride. Many meanings, many forms. Not arrogance, but pride.

I take a lot of pride in doing what i do. And in what i have done. Hopeully, it goes for the future too.